Yesterday here in Long Island it hailed, snowed, rained, and then the sun came out. The temperature ranged from around 30 to the low 50s within hours. Clearly mother nature cannot make up her mind about whether spring is a real thing this year, but one this is for sure: April, if not spring, is here.
April is my birth month, so for me it is a month of new beginnings and remembrance of past wins and losses. It is a time for reassessment, and it is also a time when things seem overpoweringly vibrant. After a harsh winter life cannot help but try to jump the gun and rush right into spring. With that comes the mud season, the raging winds, the struggle to rebalance our energies, a sense of uneasiness as we realize we’ve been living even during the winter (and really, did we make the most of it or did we just long for warmth?) and the growth of new life. Easter comes around usually in this month too, with it’s pastel hues that strain to ween us back into reality in baby steps littered with chocolate bunnies and Jelly Bellies (Hey they’re gluten free). But, the sugar high leaves us shaking and thirsty. It’s a month where life’s ups and downs are condensed to an almost explosive level.
Sometimes I find this April World so in my face that I cannot help but take a break from the chaos. Just like our half ready garden I’ve always felt a little uprooted in this month. I’ve been known to turn off my phone frequently in April, and get lost in the woods for extended periods of time. In April I am both excited for my birthday and the coming of spring and summer, and have the desire to hide away from my own reality. My own mortality really, because what makes us realize this more than the passing of a birthday (especially when that birthday is surrounded by new life all around)? April leaves me equally thrilled and terrified.
This year is no exception. I’ve started a new season without my brother, and soon I’ll celebrate my 29th Birthday without him. How odd, to realize this is my last year in my 20s and he will not be a player in this year’s adventures… I’ve needed the little things lately to keep my focus and prevent me from floating off in the confusion that is everything, and that’s where I am trying to focus my attention as April starts and I feel that old restlessness seeping in. I need some fixation point to keep me on this tightrope. What gets me most about the season this year is the food; it has taste again!
My summer and autumn months in 2013 were augmented with the full flavor of local produce and goods. During the winter a combination of a lengthy head cold, and the bitter chill of what became a tundra, left me yearning for those flavors. My taste buds stretched out for that flavor, just as my arms stretched out towards the sky at the slightest hint of warm sunlight, but were only met with dullness. Now? Strawberries, although still not locally grown because those come later in the year, fill my mouth with sunshine again, where as less than a month ago they tasted like disgusting sugar water. Tomatoes are a more vibrant red and really bring a caprese salad alive. And these are true things of beauty, a less in your face indication of time passing.
We often get lost in this world because of our penchant for wanting to get the most out of life. We over burden our bodies to feel something, to sense something, while in the same respect deny ourselves the reality to REALLY feel. Although an evolutionary advantage that made us human’s survive, we take too much in at once rather than focusing on one thing at a time. We neglect sensory quality for sensory quantity if we don’t stop and think. So, as I keep pushing along as April wears on I’ll turn 29 (and then it becomes May and life keeps at it’s steady pace) and I’ll focus on those senses of taste, smell, sight, touch, and sound. I’ll make things simple and take them bite by bite, small meaningful and mindful bites. Because if I’ve learned anything recently, it’s that mindfulness is the only way we keep from getting lost.
Yesterday here in Long Island it hailed, snowed, rained, and then the sun came out. The temperature ranged from around 30 to the low 50s within hours. Clearly mother nature cannot make up her mind about whether spring is a real thing this year, but one this is for sure: April, if not spring, is here.