On Wednesday I attended a networking event at a local catering hall that had an entrance fee, as passed hors’ d’oeuvres and two hot dishes were included. Being the Celiac that I am I had expressed me dietary needs in advance, and upon entering introduced myself to who I knew was that event’s manager: The lone worker in the suit. He asked what I wanted, and I shared what I usually get at similar events: Plain salmon and steamed vegetables. Now, this has been my dish of choice for almost two years, as I don’t eat meat, and only became so after 3 separate caterers of events presented it to me as my gluten free meal after I explained I did not eat meat but did eat fish. I’ve never been asked particularly what I wanted, so I felt guilty asking this time because salmon is on the more expensive end, however it was received with a smile and a ‘you got it!”
So, after about 30 minutes of being offered coin sized spring rolls and post-it sized mini sandwiches as my friends ate away at these, and their pasta with chicken marsala, my dish was brought out to where I was sitting. My huge dish, that brought a lot of attention my way, particularly because the gentlemen also picked up a table and moved it in front of me for me to use. I profusely thanked the man, and began to eat and offered to share with those around me. A new friend I had made asked “What did you do to get that!?” to which I explained that I had dietary restrictions and did not eat gluten so they had prepared this especially for me. To my surprise she stated that she was also gluten free, to which I suggested she also approach the manager to ask for a special dish if she was hungry. She declined, explaining that she never likes doing that as it’s “not all about the food”… and this is where I silently asked myself:
Do I act like an Entitled Celiac?
AM I an Entitled Celiac?
I might be… Any time I attend events, professional not personal, that have a fee and include food I make it a point to express my needs to the host as well as any food server or manager. I am always gracious about it, and I believe humble, and usually ask something along the lines of:
“I am attending this event, and am looking forward to it, but I am wondering if the place can cater to dietary needs? I have Celiac Disease and cannot eat gluten, and also avoid meat (but not fish), and am wondering if there might be something available for me. Can you let me know? Again, I am looking forward to the event and thank you for your help in advance!”
This has always gotten a positive response, and in most cases a dish of salmon and vegetables with a dessert of fresh fruit (if dessert is part of the deal). Others seem envious of my particular individualized attention, and I always share and use this as a learning experience to discuss Celiac Disease if those around me seem interested in knowing.
Now I’ll admit, there have been times I haven’t bothered to ask when I was initially diagnosed. I was too uncomfortable and I didn’t want to draw attention. But as time has passed in my gluten free life I’ve become more comfortable with this process, and never since my diagnosis have I not thought that I, as a person paying a fee and attending an event, was not entitled to food just like anyone else. So, needless to say this women’s comment got me thinking. Am I entitled, in the negative meaning of the word? Is it inappropriate for me to always ask for an accommodation? Now that I am more comfortable having a different diet do I revel, just a little, in the looks I get and the opportunity to educate? Do I make these events about the food simply by asking for an accommodation? Am I just a cheapo who expects the biggest bang for her buck? Am I a gluten free elitist?
I sat quiet for a bit reflecting on this and came to this conclusion: It makes me no more entitled than anyone else attending the event expecting to be fed in one way or another because they have payed a fee and food is part of the ‘deal’. But that’s only part of it. It’s also about how I approach the situation. I am gracious, I ask and don’t expect, and I am thankful. Oh, and when I can I share, or at least offer to. If I was expecting to always be catered to, and have positive responses, I would call that acting in an entitled manner. This is also how I approach my personal events. Going to a friends birthday party at a new restaurant? Call the restaurant to see if you can be accommodated, and if not eat before hand. Attending a party? Ask what will be available and always bring something to share. It’s that simple. Of course this is what works for me; because I like food, I like new experiences, I like being social, and I don’t like denying myself of anything for the sake of keeping up appearances or whatever.
Maybe the truth of the matter is I am just more comfortable in myself to express my wants and needs than some others. To some this might appear as entitled, but I am not expecting I am asking. And what’s wrong with that?
Celtic Celiac @ http://celtic-celiac.blogspot.com/
Absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. I appreciate your example.
Thanks Elizabeth.It really is all about the approach!
I don’t think asking for what one wants or needs means entitlement, not in the least. Learning to speak up for myself has been integral in my recovery and ability to manage my celiac effectively! both emotionally and physically. Although I do relate to your friend — I often feel dead-awkward when I’m treated in a way that brings attention my way. All the same, feeling a bit uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not valid self care.
Cheers,
CJ
tumblingglutenfree.blogspot.com
That’s the key CJ, coming to balance the self care and discomfort. Many people avoid discomfort at all costs, and their self care pays.
I don’t think you are entitled at all. It is about standing up for your needs. Unless you know what it is like to live with food allergies, you can’t judge someone. Don’t let that lady’s comment make you feel different about being celiac. You got it girl!
Thank you! We all deal differently I suppose.